The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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