I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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