I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
