I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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