I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
