Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
