New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just high enough for therapy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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