I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
