If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
