Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
