We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
