Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize