32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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