That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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