if i can run in heels then i can drive
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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