It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
