Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
