Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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