i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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