I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
