I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
