She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You pole danced in your parka.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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