You can't special order awesome
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
