Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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