I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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