my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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