it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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