Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
