i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
