PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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