people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
