im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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