I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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