If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You ruined the universe
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
