Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
