I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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