my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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