and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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