if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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