Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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