once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
