how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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