all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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