I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
