Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
