So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
