U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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