So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
