she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
