census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
