I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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