1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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