Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
