Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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