I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
