We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
