Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
