Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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