I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
