she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
