i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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