I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
