Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
