Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There's always time for handjobs
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize