She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
