its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
