I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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