So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
