mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
only if we run a train.
done.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
