my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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