I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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